When all words abandoned me, I would just cry. Everyday. I’m not quite sure how my tears haven’t dried up. I still cry, a lot. I guess tears replace words I can no longer express. They are a form of expressing how I feel and my pain. I turned to writing because crying and writing both express what is inside and in some way you feel a lot better for it afterwards. Crying and writing simultaneously. It hurts so much but at the same time it feels good. Crying does not mean you are weak or you can no longer hold it together. Crying means you have been strong for too long. You need to let your tears out. Even before feeling this way, I have always been a big crier. I cry watching movies and reading books so not feeling like myself and this empty feeling taking over makes me cry every day. There is nothing wrong with crying. It helps to relief and soothe the pain although the feeling is short-lived. It still helps and it’s okay to cry.
I remember my therapist saying to me to cry as much as I need to, cry silently or scream and shout, whatever helps and feels good. Crying can release oxytocin known as endorphins this helps the body to almost feel numb. It gives a feeling of calmness. Don’t hold back your tears. Let them fall. Everyone expresses their pain and emotions differently and tears are a normal way to express them. When we cry our heart rate and breathing tends to slow down a little and this puts us in a slightly calmer mood. I feel a little different after crying. Like I have let go of and released something.
Washington Irving once said, “There is a sacredness in tears. They are not a mark of weakness, but of power. They speak more eloquently than ten thousand tongues. They are the messengers of overwhelming grief, of deep contribution and of unspeakable love.” – I could not agree with him more. Crying is what we turn to when we have no other way or language to express the sadness and pain inside.
Depression is so common yet it makes you believe you are the only person experiencing it in this entire universe. It’s a lonely and very isolating feeling. No matter who you speak to, be it family or friends, you still feel alone. They don’t understand the feeling inside your bones. How could they? Sometimes you wish you had cuts and bruises to show for it. You want to scream and scream until people understand. You almost want them to see you cry and see how much it hurts. Always remember that it’s okay to cry.
My tears fall as silently as a feather in the summer’s breeze. I pinch my skin again and skin but these emotions know no bounds. Tears are my healing mist. Each drop that falls from my eyes.
Sending hugs to you X
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