MY POEMS. MY FEELINGS

MY POEMS, MY FEELINGS
These are some of the poems I have written. They are bleak but so is the subject.

You wake up more restless than ever before
You are desperate to find an escape
But there are no windows or doors
Just the four walls around you
And those same thoughts, keep circling
Again and again.

You are terrified
Your mind is a jungle
The air is suffocating
The ground is like quicksand
But still, you are holding on to those branches.

The days are darker than the nights,
Sleep is sweeter than its opposite,
The wind is more bitter than ever before,
It uncharacteristically howls,
I cannot distinguish the sky from the sea,
Where does this land end?
And where does it begin?
With every step I do not know whether I am getting closer,
Or further away.

We were once the same,
But I feel like the sky,
And you are the sea,
I am drowning in the same waves,
You created for me,
The mirror lies.
Though my reflection stays the same.
I am just not me.

Your words help soften the pain,
They speak louder than my voice ever could,
But now you can see,
I have been dragging my feet for so long,
They are battered and bruised,
Huge splinters and all,
And now you tell me,
I have been walking in the wrong direction,
All this time.

I stood to the very edge,
Of the highest mountain,
My cries echoed back at me,
I noticed the birds in the sky froze still,
The trees far below stopped waving their branches,
Those ripples in the water remained quiet,
The sky turned green before it turned grey,
A curtain of clouds drew nearer,
I could feel the drops of rain on my face,
They washed away my tears,
I looked up once more,
And it started to pour, more heavily than ever before,
So I closed my eyes and I let go.

We are sat opposite one another,
But we live in different worlds,
So when you try and speak to me,
I cannot hear you,
I forget you are even there,
Is this reality?
Because my mind always takes me elsewhere,
The moment seems lost,
The words try and escape my lips,
But are always so silent,
They are never heard.

They keep saying
It’s a gradual thing,
There are no quick fixes,
Or a magic pill,
It does not happen overnight,
& you cannot wish it away,
And if you close your eyes,
It doesn’t mean it’s not there,
So take it one step at a time,
But how can you step forwards when your feet have sunk into the ground and frozen in place?
You have waved your arms around for so long in the hope someone would notice but you can no longer lift them,
They have dropped down like the petals of a withering flower
How will anyone know?

You walk around in complete darkness,
Not knowing where it will lead,
Not a single voice can be heard,
But you are not alone,
You feel like the only one but the others walk just as silently as you,
You frantically and desperately try and look for the things you have lost.. But how can you search in darkness?

Your lips were sewn together for a reason,
They could not hear your screams or cries,
And the words that came before them,
But really, were they even listening in the first place?
Did they understand at all?
So now you grieve in silence.
And so do your tears.

They say… “You are not alone” yet you have NEVER felt more alone.
You are learning that some feelings cannot be explained no matter how many times you try and explain them.
And how is it that we share the same sky? When I could not be further from you or myself – a distance you and I desperately break our bones to eliminate. This is the you I knew before I turned into the me I loathe.
You look at your reflection in the mirror and you look like me but we are not the same.

I cried an ocean worth of tears,
I tried to hush my thoughts to silence,
I hoped the wind would sing until dawn,
I watched the seabird fly,
I wished I could fly like it,
I have forgotten the old days,
This land seems colourless,
How do I still have skin covering my bones?
When this has seemed never-ending,
When will the colour return?
How can I soothe this pain?
And even the night doesn’t understand this darkness,
And I am left alone.

How could a feeling so poisonous ever exist?
How are you having thoughts you never thought you would?
When did simple tasks turn into battles?
Can you even distinguish between day and night anymore?
When did words lose their meaning?
When did the air around grow hands and start suffocating us?
Why has life abandoned you?

& now you wish you could drown in your own tears.

The days are darker than the nights,
Sleep is sweeter than its opposite,
The wind is more bitter than ever before,
It uncharacteristically howls,
I cannot distinguish the sky from the sea,
Where does this land end?
And where does it begin?
With every step I do not know whether I am getting closer,
Or further away…

You wrestle the same thoughts,
And scream at your reflection,
You stare at the same moon,
But now it looks different,
The world seems different,
It’s empty.
The sadness brews inside,
You try and stop yourself from chewing on that same thought that you tried to wrestle before
..But it manages to trap you like a fly in its web,
You become more tangled than before.
& nothing seems to make sense anymore.