Depression invited itself

Depression invited itself

Depression invited itself. It forced its way. It tries to control, consume and take over. Every day. Depression invited itself.

Depression DOES NOT always have a trigger. Depression doesn’t always have a reason for inviting itself into your life so forcefully. Nobody hurt me, nothing major happened. Depression can sneak up on anyone. There does not have to be a certain event. Nobody knows why. Nobody understands the complexity of our mind and brains. When you haven’t experienced it, you don’t think about it but when you are going through it. That’s all your three meals and the seconds in between.

Yes, professionals sit opposite you and try and pinpoint an event or a childhood trauma, or a collection of things building up that could have led to it, but ultimately nobody can pinpoint what. Or how. All things you try are a stab in the dark. If you know someone going through mental health problems and depression. Don’t try and look for a trigger for them, looking for a reason when there is not always a reason is draining and soul destroying. Forgot the why’s and what if’s or what did I do. Like any other sickness and disease. No professional can say why someone may have a terminal illness just like nobody can tell you why you have depression. I wish it was simple and I wish there were no answers but there just isn’t. One reason I read a tonne of mental health related books is in the hope of finding some answer but I’m always left more confused and disheartened then when I first began. If you haven’t experienced it then I don’t know how else other than my writing and words to explain it for you to understand better. Just remember there is not always a trigger. Maybe an underlying reason or little things over a long period of time but nobody can say for sure. It’s hard, I know it is but you can do it.

Take it one day at a time. Some days are okay but the next I feel like I have come crashing down faster than I was able to blink. I find myself at the bottom of a puddle of my own tears gasping for air. Up and down. If you are the latter, remember one day at a time. I hope you have a wonderful day.

I am learning to be patient with myself. Healing takes time. Even on the days the road seems never-ending with endless bumps. Even when my feet are torn and covered in blood from walking in the thorns of darkness. I carry on. The glimmer of light is there somewhere, it’s just some days we don’t see it. Close your eyes and you’ll see it. I’ll be your glimmer of light even when I don’t see my own.

I am learning to be patient with others. People don’t understand. I need to be patient. You may not know this feeling. You may think you do. You may think you know what’s best. You don’t. This journey is a dark one. You are never alone and there are people around you who feel it too but you all walk in darkness that you never see their faces. Everyone’s path is different. Depression is different for each human. We are alone but alone together. Don’t ask careless questions. Don’t makes stupid assumptions. Don’t pretend you are a doctor and know what’s best. Don’t give me advice when you are not qualified to. Don’t think you know what is best because you are sitting on the other side of depression. It’s much easier on that side. Believe me. I promise you it’s much easier on that side. Please think about your words and questions that you ask. Let me be. Let people be. Just be there and listen. Try and understand it for yourself. I sit here writing to make you understand and raise awareness. Mental health is just like physical health. You just don’t see it. It burns and brews silently inside. Don’t judge. The measures people take to help themselves with physical illness should be the same with mental illnesses. Stop spreading your thoughts like wildfire without knowing.

Love to you all

Zo x